So it's now sixteen years - or, depressingly, more than half my life - since Scotland made it to a World Cup or European Championship. With just a few days until the 2014 jambouree begins in Brazil, we are once more stuck on the outside looking in. It's just a little galling to remember that in qualifying we defeated Croatia home and away, yet it is the Croats who will take centre stage on Thursday, taking on the hosts in the opening match.
Why didn't we finish ahead of Croatia in our group, and earn the coveted playoff spot? Because we picked up only two points from the first four matches under Craig Levein, who couldn't have been more of a lame duck had he been covered in feathers and shot in the knee. What if Gordon Strachan had been in charge from the get-go? Could we have been at the 2014 World Cup? It's certainly possible.
And, since we're now firmly ensconced in fantasyland, let's have a wee bit of fun. Who do you think Gordon would have taken to South America, and who would you have taken?
Here's the 23 players that would make up my mythical Scottish 2014 World Cup squad:
GOALKEEPERS
Starter - David Marshall
Backups - Allan McGregor, Matt Gilks
(Left at home - Cammy Bell, Jamie MacDonald)
We're rather blessed right now between the sticks, since Shagger has proven at Hull that he is one of the better keepers in the English Premier League. Marshall would be my number one on current form though, coming off a season so impressive that Arsenal want him. I remember being enthralled by his performance in the Nou Camp for Celtic as a teenager, and it's lovely to see him fulfilling his potential.
The third choice keeper pretty much never plays, so it would be nice to take a decent youngster and give them the experience...but we don't have any. So Matt Gilks it is, with Jamie MacDonald missing out because we've never seen him in a Scotland shirt, and Cammy Bell missing out because players from Scotland's third tier shouldn't be playing on such a stage. I suppose he might end up being flown out in an emergency, however, since Shagger would be the most likely to do an Andy Goram and leave the squad in a huff.
DEFENDERS
Starters - Alan Hutton, Russell Martin, Gary Caldwell, Andrew Robertson
Backups - Steven Whittaker, Grant Hanley, Gordon Greer
(Left at home - Phil Bardsley, Christophe Berra, Mark Reynolds, Lee Wallace)
Central defence is not so much the achilles heel as the achilles-both-legs-and-half-the-torso. I have no love for Grant Hanley, yet Strachan and Levein both felt the young Blackburn man is worth a regular start. He's only 22, so he has plenty of scope for improvement, I guess. But with Gary Caldwell fit again, I would fit him in to the lineup at Hanley's expense, alongside the relatively reliable Russell Martin. Greer has been better than Berra this year so I'd take him as backup, though frankly I would be tempted to find a spot for Reynolds, who has done well at Aberdeen.
In contrast, the options at full-back are pretty decent. Hutton is a polarizing figure, but his performances for the national team have always impressed me and his remarkable athleticism provides a great attacking outlet. Robertson really has already done enough to justify a start at left-back. Given that Steven Whittaker can cover both flanks, and Charlie Mulgrew would be more than adequate cover at left-back or in central-defence, there's no need for any more defenders. So Phil Bardsley can spend the summer in the casino, and Lee Wallace can sit at home and bemoan the fact that playing against Brechin four times a year wasn't enough to prepare him for a World Cup.
MIDFIELDERS
Starters - Darren Fletcher, Scott Brown, Charlie Mulgrew, Robert Snodgrass, Ikechi Anya
Backups - Liam Bridcutt, Charlie Adam, James Morrison, Shaun Maloney, James Forrest
(Left at home - Stuart Armstrong, Barry Bannan, Graham Dorrans, James McArthur, Craig Bryson)
Now we have options! Given our opponents would probably be rather superior to us, I'd probably pick a three man midfield screen, with the engines of Fletcher and Brown complimented by Mulgrew's passing and defensive work. Bridcutt offers a like-for-like backup in that role, so he gets a seat on the plane, though McArthur would feel unlucky to miss out. Morrison offers a more attacking central midfield option, so he gets to come too. And whilst I shudder at the thought of Charlie Adam dragging his fat ass around in forty degree heat, he does offer something a little different in the centre of the pitch. Craig Bryson has been terrific in recent months though, so maybe he should come instead?
Anya and Snodgrass are the flavours of the month in the wide areas, and quite right too. Forrest would make a terrific impact sub, if nowt else, while Maloney is too good to be left behind and offers backup for Snodgrass.
It's just a bit too soon for Stuart Armstrong, while Graham Dorrans doesn't provide anything that the squad doesn't already have. And I just don't rate Barry Bannan, who spends too much time on the fringes of matches.
FORWARDS
Starter - Steven Naismith
Backups - Steven Fletcher, Leigh Griffiths, Ross McCormack
(Left at home - George Boyd, Kris Boyd, Chris Martin)
Naismith has to be the first choice centre forward, for me - he's proven he can fill that role for Everton and Scotland, and his intelligent movement opens up space for his teammates. Fletcher is the best goalscorer that we have, though, and is the next best alternative, assuming unrealistically that he would be fit. Griffiths has done enough since January to earn a spot, though would the SFA object to him being picked given he is under investigation by them? I'd take McCormack too, as he can play through the middle or wide, though Boyd could do that too. I haven't seen enough of Chris Martin to be able to say if he would warrant a place.
Kris Boyd? No. You wouldn't start with him, and he's never been effective as a substitute. Though the thought of bringing Kenny Miller out of retirement intrigued me...
So who would be in your 2014 World Cup squad? And how would it compare to the pool that we took to France '98? For one thing, I'd feel more comfortable if I had Boyd, Calderwood and Hendry at the back now. But at least it's easy to predict how we'd get on. We'd be beaten narrowly by the best team in the group, get embarrassed by the weakest team and get a result off the other team. Isn't that how it always is?
L.
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