With about three weeks till the start of the new SPL season, I think it’s about time to finish my “blog holiday” – that is, the period of time taken for the shining glow of Euro Two Thousand And Great (yes, I’ve nicked that from the BBC, so sue me – actually, please don’t) to wear off. In short, I feel like moaning again.
Besides, at club level, there’s not been much to talk about. Nothing concrete, anyway. There’s been more speculation about Cristiano Ronaldo, Lampard etc than there is in an issue of OK magazine. All quiet north of the border, though. A complete lack of excitement, at least for now.
So what has happened?
Let’s start with the Old Firm. Rangers seem to be buying rather a lot of forwards for a club that spent most of last season playing one up top. Walter Smith has correctly summized that most of the supporters don’t know jack about players, and so has concluded that if they hate Kenny Miller, then he must logically be a decent player. Miller may need the occasional reminder that, when signing autographs, he needs to go back to adding “f*** the pope” as the postscript, rather than nasty comments about King Billy.
On the other hand, the biggest outlay so far has been on Burnley striker Kyle Lafferty. Not a name to set pulses racing. This may be because he previously played for Burnley. It may also be because his goalscoring record is not exactly sensational. Still, he has that mysterious thing called “potential”. Something which a certain young K. Miller had when he first signed for Rangers, I recall.
The best value for money they’ve got this summer is probably ex-Hearts striker Andrius Velicka, a guy who is strong, good in the air, holds up the ball well and scores goals. A good candidate as a lone striker and, for me a better player than Lafferty. However, the way Rangers are going, each of these guys is gonna get about ten minutes playing time this season. Look at who else wants a game up front: Boyd, Cousin, Darcheville, Naismith (admittedly out injured for aeons), plus Novo and McCulloch who will probably be utilised out wide, and Fleck who may well make a breakthrough this year.
The trouble is that Wattie wants to offload Darcheville and Cousin, but nobody seems keen on taking them off his hands; the former because he’s 33 next week, he’s only going to get slower, and because his hamstrings are more easily snapped than breadsticks, and the latter because his undeniable ability is coupled with the workrate of a sloth which has been smoking a joint and which has chronic fatigue syndrome. That’s only some of the dead wood that hasn’t been chucked yet - though you don’t get much deader than Sebo, Buffel and Faye who at least have bogged off.
So, at this moment in time Rangers seem to have failed to reduce the oversized playing squad (I’m talking about numbers, not Cousin’s belly) and, for me, haven’t improved the quality, just the quantity. They need a right-back and a centre-back, for a start, unless Weir and Dailly suddenly discover the Fountain of Youth, Webster and Smith manage to learn how to play again and Broadfoot, er, learns how to play. I can’t help feeling that you need to be looking at better players than Cardiff’s Loovens and Watford’s Shittu if you’re looking to compete in the Champions League.
Though if Shittu had signed, it would have finally given Celtic fans a riposte for all those years of taunts about a certain Brazilian defender…
L.
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