What can I say? I'm in a 'lists' sort of mood. I was going to blog about the teams missing out on the top six...only for Kilmarnock to screw up and keep the battle for sixth alive for one more weekend. So, for your own amusement, a list of (in my opinion) the ten worst signings made by SPL clubs this season
10. Sam Parkin (St. Mirren - signed in June after leaving Queen of the South)
Sorry, Sam, I just don't like you. The target man was clearly signed as a backup for Steven Thompson, but on occasion Danny Lennon has deployed both up front - leading to a dismally direct style of play. Parkin barely looked like a first division striker in Dumfries last season; he certainly hasn't improved, though his apologists will point out that he's managed 3 goals this season. Yet Lennon seems to prefer him to Lewis Guy, who looks far more potent.
9. Don Cowan (Dundee - signed on free transfer in February after release by Stevenage)
This guy is no more a professional footballer than I am! Maybe it's early days, as he only joined Dundee in February, but the former Stevenage striker has looked completely out of his depth on his fleeting substitute appearances so far. Yet John Brown appears to still rate him more than the likes of Colin Nish...
8. Rudi Skacel (Dundee Utd - signed in October after leaving Hearts in the summer; released in January)
Oh, Rudi, why did you have to spoil it all? He might be 33, but the Czech proved last season that he was still a big goal threat and was a hero of Hearts' cup triumph over Hibs. He clearly harboured hopes of a new deal at Tynecastle but the transfer embargo scuppered that and he joined up at Tannadice. Sadly, he seemed to still be fixated with his former club, choosing the squad number '51' in tribute to the scoreline at Hampden in May. When his new team played his old team at Edinburgh, he contributed sweet FA before being hooked...to a standing ovation from Hearts fans. He managed a solitary goal, against Inverness, and his short-term deal wasn't extended. He's moved back to former club Slavia Prague.
7. Craig Beattie (St. Johnstone - signed in August after leaving Hearts; released in January)
Beattie was a reasonably hot commodity in the summer after doing well at Hearts at the end of last season, and Steve Lomas fought off plenty of competition to sign him. Given Hearts couldn't afford to keep him, it's fair to assume he was earning a decent wage. Perenially injured, he made a grand total of four appearances, all as a substitute, and was let go during the winter transfer window. Notts County took him on trial but decided he was too unfit. He's currently at Barnet, but has managed only 1 start since arriving in February.
6. Simon King (Inverness - signed in July after being released by Gillingham)
A fan favourite at Gillingham, the centre-back had struggled badly with injuries over the last two seasons, and the move to the Highlands was supposed to be a fresh start. He was a first choice at the start of the campaign, but certainly looked off the pace and was ripped to shreds in a home defeat by Celtic. In September he was ruled out with a knee injury...and we've never seen him again. No-one's ever reported on the seriousness of the problem, but he wouldn't get back in the team now even if he was fit. He'll be best remembered up here for being the victim of a player prank, where his fancy car was completely covered in coloured post-it notes by his teammates (it was funnier than it sounds).
5. Gregory Vignal (Dundee Utd - signed in September having not had a club since 2010; released in November)
The French full-back has a decent CV - playing for Liverpool, Portsmouth and Birmingham in the Premier League, a season at Rangers in 2004-05 and some under-21 caps - but had been a free agent for nearly two years after leaving Greek side Atromitos. We'll never know if he was good enough for another crack at the SPL - he did his hamstring playing in a reserve game in October and was let go two months before his short-term contract was due to expire. He never played for the first team. Hopefully he was on a pay-as-you-play deal.
4. Shefki Kuqi (Hibernian - signed in August after leaving Oldham)
We were all looking forward to seeing Kuqi's famous 'swan dive' goal celebration - and we're still waiting. Used mainly as an impact substitute, the 36 year old has managed to make virtually no impact. It seems he is still on Hibs' books, but he's rarely even made the bench since the winter break. On the bright side, the announcer at the Caledonian Stadium pronounced his name as "Shifty Cookie" when the Hibees visited. Time to retire, Shefki?
3. Peter Enckelman (Hearts - signed in August after leaving St Johnstone in the summer; released in January)
I'll never forget the Finn's terrible blunder for Aston Villa in a Birmingham derby back in 2002; given he's had a distinguished career and 12 international caps, he can't be all that hapless, but he had become increasingly unreliable during his two seasons in Perth and was released after Alan Mannus became first-choice keeper. Ostensibly a back-up at Tynecastle, he played only 76 minutes for the club, coming on as a sub for the injured Jamie MacDonald at Celtic Park. Within a quarter of an hour, he let a tame shot from Georgios Samaras go straight through him for the game's only goal. Given Hearts' financial problems this season, it's no surprise they didn't extend his contract beyond January.
2. Miku (Celtic - signed on loan from Getafe in August 2012)
Last week, the Venezuelan striker told journalists from his native country "It was a mistake to go there [Scotland]. Simply because I cannot do anything. At first I did not understand. I said to myself: 'How might come to play in the best league in the world [Spain] and play no part in Scotland?'". Regarding the Celtic coaching staff, “We do not talk. I like people to tell the truth. I don’t like that they say one thing to my face and another thing behind my back." Safe to say he won't be staying in Glasgow, then. He might have managed 12 La Liga goals last year, but he's not been an upgrade over Celtic's other attacking options. On a rare start in Inverness in February, he was utterly hopeless (yes, I know he scored in that game, but I stand by my assessment). A huge disappointment.
1. Rory Boulding (signed by Kilmarnock in July after leaving Livingston, but released in January; signed for Dundee Utd in March)
This guy must be terrific in training. Having failed to make it at Bradford and Accrington, the Englishman couldn't even get in Livingston's team at the start of 2011-12, but scored 10 goals in 6 games at the end of the season and did enough in a trial at Rugby Park to convince Kenny Shiels to offer him a three (yes, THREE!!) year contract. He made a grand total of one start and disappeared from the first team reckoning pretty damn quick. Let go in January - hopefully paying up that contract didn't cost Killie a fortune - he went on trial with Dundee Utd in March and managed to get a deal from Jackie McNamara after Johnny Russell was injured. Needless to say, he ain't no Johnny Russell.
L.
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