Dull deadline day

So the transfer window is closed. Now the gladiators battling it out for the glory of league titles, and the runts of the litter scrapping to avoid the oblivion of relegation have one thing in common - they are stuck with what they have between now and May.

I'm sure that transfer deadline day used to be a day of extraordinary excitement; last minute, big money deals all over the shop; chairmen, managers and players jetting around the country, Europe or even the world in search of the players to improve their squad; the ridiculous yet inevitable rumour that, for the seventh transfer deadline day in a row, David Villa would sign for Liverpool.

This deadline day, however, was like a West End play that bombed; the heralded next big thing, Manchester City, appeared to get cold feet and pulled out at the last minute despite all the talk of grandiose moves for pretty much every footballer that has ever lived. I can't help feeling offended that I appear to be the only living being on the planet who has not been linked with a move to Eastlands. In the end, they couldn't even muster a bid for Roque Santa Cruz, the Paraguayan who inspired Blackburn last season but this year has spent so much time as a substitute that there is a perfect impression of his bottom on the Rovers bench.

Meanwhile, the big stars toyed with getting involved with the production, but Manchester United stayed away altogether, Liverpool bought no-one themselves (though they did flog Robbie Keane back to Spurs) and Chelsea, having brought in only loanee Ricardo Quaresma, Nani's closest challenger for the title of most overrated Portuguese winger, showed a complete lack of commitment. Arsenal might yet sign Arshavin, but at the time of writing it seems to be stuck in some sort of limbo.

So, in England, it's hard to see these moves having much influence on the title race, other than that Liverpool now have to freeze Fernando Torres in carbonite a la Star Wars because up front they now have less depth than a blonde woman's personality. Equally, at the bottom of the table, other than Spurs' attempt to travel back through time with their transfer dealings (just wait till they resign Gary Mabbutt, Paul Gascoigne and Glenn Hoddle, it can't be long), I don't think anyone has made serious additions to their squads.

North of the border, despite lacking the three snowflakes that brought the whole of England to a standstill yesterday, business was also slow, though Caley seem to have done their best to at least bring quantity to the squad. If we get the Motherwell Brian Kerr, who ran the midfield single handedly and was incapable of misplacing a pass, then result. On the other hand, we get the Hibs Brian Kerr who was so bad that he couldn't pass a kidney stone and their fans were on the brink of burning effigies of him, then we're screwed.

Not much in the way of business was done by anyone else, though, and Rangers completely failed to sell anyone in the end, for all the gripes of David Murray over the last few weeks. What does that mean for the huns? I occasionally have a very happy daydream that they end up going the way of Leeds United, though I can't exactly see it happening...

L.