Oh, you just can't make up what goes on at St. James' Park. The whole sorry Newcastle United saga has more twists and turns than the plot of 24, and appears about as fantastical as the notion that George W. Bush could put together a coherent sentence. Already for months (or years) they have lurched from one farce to another, but surely the most ridiculous plotline ever to come out of the North East was played out on Wednesday night, as Joe Kinnear managed to insult Charlie N'Zogbia by mis-pronouncing his surname as "insomnia" in an interview.
Let's face it, it was quite obviously nothing more than a slip of the tongue which left the normally shameless Kinnear, the only man who could go a full twelve rounds in a bareknuckle swearing match with Gordon Ramsay, looking quite embarassed. Yet N'Zogbia has chosen to react as if his manager had made an obscene comment about his mother's sexual orientation. In truth, the Frenchman has been moaning for months about wanting out, and having discovered that his announced ambitions to play for Arsenal were not coming to fruition (we all want to play for Arsenal, Charlie, just because you ask for it won't make it happen, not least because Arsene Wenger wouldn't sign you even if you arrived covered head to foot in caramel while brandishing the original Mona Lisa in one hand and the Holy Grail in the other as gifts) has decided to throw multiple tantrums to try and ellicit a move, starting with a training ground punch-up with young striker Andy Carroll last week, and now having realised the transfer window is practically done, he now refuses to play for Newcastle ever again after Kinnear misspoke.
It's a pathetic attempt to try and force his way out, and I for one hope that his immaturity and obnoxiousness doesn't pay off. In truth, despite his ability to play in defence or midfield, and his undoubted pace and skill, N'Zogbia is unreliable and inconsistent, and he has enough top division experience to have overcome it. The name "insomnia" is used by Newcastle fans and others alike as a pretty reasonable reference to the uncertainty that surrounds him on the pitch. Newcastle can probably afford to boot him into the reserves if they choose to do so, and good luck to them.
It's rare that Joe Kinnear commands sympathy; he has won few friends with his obnoxious rants in the press as Newcastle boss and after an initial bounce following his appointment, his side have slipped steadily back towards a relegation struggle that looks even more daunting than this time last season. But no doubt Wednesday was the worst day of the Irishman's stint in the North East, with Joey Barton injured again, and now Michael Owen following him onto the treatment table. Consequently, Newcastle now have all the firepower of a Poundstretchers water pistol. Considering the injuries that have inflicted the club this season, and the lack of depth in the squad or money to strengthen (though they appear to have found enough in the back of Mike Ashely's sofa to buy Kevin Nolan), he has not done a bad job. But by the time Owen returns to provide a goal threat, he may find his side in the bottom three and in dire straits; whether it is because of Kinnear or despite him, this could yet be the year that the Toon Army crash out of the top flight.
L.
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