No wonder Manchester City feel they need to fork out £91 million to land Kaka' (note the apostrophe, I'm being pedantic), even in the midst of an economic crisis which means you could probably buy the entire British Isles as your personal fiefdom for that sort of money (of course, Wales would be thrown in for free, and we would pay them to take the Outer Hebrides).
But if £10 million is the going rate for Wayne Bridge, a guy who has seen so little first team action over the last few years at Stamford Bridge that I'd begun to think his full name was Substitute Wayne Bridge, and who puts the "left-back" in "left back in the dressing room", then the quoted sum for Milan's Brazilian maestro is peanuts. But however it pans out, it's all going to end up a bit of a shambles for Man City.
For one thing, I will be somewhat shocked and appalled if he does go. He might not be the number one player in the world right now (even if Ronaldo's form has dipped, check out what Messi has been doing this season for a start) but he's top three, and a damn site more useful than Robinho. He is also the darling of Milan, universally loved, well-paid and looked after (and unlike Berlusconi, who is also all of these things, these traits are well earned), and constantly states how happy he is. And ultimately, he is a devout Christian, which makes it fairly likely that, unlike so many prima donnas in this day and age, he has ambitions in life beyond increasing the number of zeroes on his bank balance. If you can think of any likely reason why on earth this young man would up sticks from one of the fashion capitals of the world and its mediterranean climate, for flipping Manchester, possibly the coldest city in the country (at least it was when I was there in November) and about as heart-warming as attending a dinner party with Margaret Thatcher, Robert Mugabe and Ron Atkinson, to play for a team more likely to be relegated than reach the Champions' League, feel free to write in on a postcard.
For another thing, where the heck would City play him? You have to assume that Mark Hughes would be obliged to deploy him alongside Robinho, yet both are at their best playing that traditional number ten role, just off a striker. City have tended to use Robinho coming in off the left flank in a front three this season with some success, but Kaka' has never been used in a similar role off the other side before. And surely most coaches would baulk at the idea of Robinho and Kaka', plus a right winger, plus a centre forward, all on the pitch together, particularly with a defence that includes Michael Ball, who did about as much good for the Rangers defence as syphilis-infected blankets did for American Indians. So the question of where the heck you would play this boy wonder is a heck of a tough one to answer.
Of course, it's all about marketing and publicity, the idea that people will buy City merchandise and pay to watch City on TV in far flung places such as Thailand, South America and Dingwall. But whereas Real Madrid made a bucket out of David Beckham, we're talking huger sums here. And let's face it, even Kaka' cannot turn this team into Champions' League contenders. Better splashing the cash on six or seven £10 million players (ones who are actually worth that money, by which I don't mean Wayne Bridge) and Roque Santa Cruz. And maybe giving it a couple of years so the side can gel.
Experience tells us that money never buys a short term solution in football - even Abramovich's Chelsea took two years to win the league. And they had John Terry and Frank Lampard to begin with. All City have is Stephen Ireland...
L.
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