A bit of fun this week, given I've not got much else to write about. Are these the 10 least popular players in Scottish football? If I've missed anyone obvious, please let me know...
10. ANTHONY STOKES (CELTIC)
That hatchet job on Keith Lasley a few weeks back tells you that Stokes is 'that sort of player', but to be honest the biggest beef I have with him is his off-field antics - being pictured at a memorial party for a murdered Real IRA member in Dublin is not a bright thing for a Celtic player to do. Neither is tweeting "Thinking of you" on the day of his funeral.
Ultimate moment: forever claiming he had been denied a late penalty in the 2011-12 Scottish Cup semi final against Hearts, even though TV footage showed a clear dive. He was given a one match ban after the game after a post-match red card from the referee for "offensive, insulting and/or abusive language and/or gestures".
9. LEE MCCULLOCH (RANGERS)
The man they call 'Jig' (why?!) is of course a hero to Rangers fans, which may be why the rest of us can't stand him. I suppose we should show some respect for him for pulling off the remarkable feat of wangling a £16,000 a week wage for a team in the fourth tier of Scottish football, yet still remain a hero. That said, his insistence on trying to referee every Rangers game, even in the lower leagues, and his repertoire of niggly fouls and dives do not endear him to many outside the Ibrox support.
Ultimate moment: this embarrassing attempt to win a penalty at the end of a match last season. The opponents? The mighty Stirling Albion.
8. RORY FALLON (UNATTACHED)
Presumably clubs look at the World Cup appearances on Fallon's CV (as a member of the 2010 New Zealand squad) and allow that to cloud their judgement of a centre-forward who was so ineffectual for St. Johnstone this season that by the beginning of January, they were trying to find a way to get shot of him. As for his previous two years at Aberdeen, he managed 9 goals in 45 appearances, only 3 of which were in the league. He did manage 2 red cards, but partially redeemed himself with the Dons fans by getting himself sent off against them for the Perth Saints in December, just seconds after coming on as a sub.
Ultimate moment: telling The Guardian that his career moves are based on messages from God - once "I had a dream and the Lord told me to stay at Plymouth". Goodness knows what sins he's committed, given that God then sent him to Aberdeen and Perth.
7. DEREK RIORDAN (UNATTACHED)
What a complete waste of talent. I remember seeing him play for Hibs at Inverness in 2010, where he looked totally bored and disinterested and didn't break a sweat...but still scored twice. Without a club for a year after failed spells in China and at Bristol Rovers, Riordan has been constantly moaning about no-one will offer him a deal. His recent failure to turn up for training at Morton when on trial might offer an explanation? Riordan really doesn't have anything to do with his spare time though, given he has been banned from every single nightclub in Edinburgh.
Ultimate moment: being caught on video singing that Hearts' Rudi Skacel was a 'f****** refugee' in 2005.
6. GARRY O'CONNOR (MORTON)
What a complete waste of talent Mk II. I've written about O'Connor before, here. Since that blog in September 2011, O'Connor spent a brief time in Siberia - as a player, not a Gulag prisoner - and, after a year out of the game, is now hauling his rather enormous belly around Championship pitches while playing up front for Greenock Morton. Don't forget that he was once a £2million English Premier League striker who failed a drugs test for cocaine. Classy.
Ultimate moment: giving the false surname 'Johnston' to police questioning him over drug possession; when asked to spell it, he started 'J...O...S...' and then legged it.
5. RICHIE FORAN (INVERNESS)
In real life, the Caley Thistle captain is quite a nice guy, actually. On the field, though, he becomes absolutely obsessed with winning, and doing whatever it takes to win. Few players are quite so prone to dissenting officials when things are not going well. Dundee United fans will want to know why he isn't ranked higher, given that he somehow escaped a red card for a horror challenge on Gary Mackay-Steven in August, and then sparked a brawl in the League Cup match between the two teams in October after an altercation with the same player.
Ultimate moment: Trying to avoid police by hiding under a car after a nightclub fracas. It didn't work.
4. SCOTT BROWN (CELTIC)
Look into Scott Brown's eyes. They are completely dead. This man has no soul. That's presumably why he struts around the pitch winding up opponents without the slightest twinge of guilt. Not only does it not keep him awake at night, in fact it probably helps him sleep better.
Ultimate moment: scoring in an Old Firm game, and then celebrating right in front of Rangers' El-Hadji Diouf.
3. JAMIE HAMILL (HEARTS)
Maybe it's the incompetence, maybe it's the scowl, maybe it's the outrageous Nu-metal style shaved head and beard combo, but even Hearts fans don't like Jamie Hamill. Fans of other clubs don't like him much either, probably because he's the sort of person who grabs his genitals and thrusts them at opposing supporters (as he did to ICT fans in December). I have to admit to some schadenfreude in seeing him miss in the League Cup semi-final shootout.
Ultimate moment: complaining bitterly about being erroneously sent off for handball in Inverness in August...and then feigning injury to get a Raith player sent off in a cup game a few days later.
2. IAN BLACK (RANGERS)
Oh, Blackie, how I used to love you when you anchored Caley Thistle's midfield. But the tyro was prone to a shocking tackle or two even then, and his reputation for poleaxing opponents has spiralled since then. Now at Rangers, Black moaned to the media last season about how he was getting kicked up in the air in the lower leagues; he's used to be the only one dishing it out. So far in his Rangers career he has managed 20 yellow cards and 2 reds in just 61 games. And then there's his off-field antics...
Ultimate moment: Being charged by the SFA for betting...against his own team!
1. JIM GOODWIN (ST. MIRREN)
Most teams have a defensive midfield player whose primary role is to break up the opposition's play by any means necessary. The teams that don't have a player like that usually need one. Irishman Goodwin is the ultimate master of this dark art. Opposing fans lose count of the number of fouls he commits in a game...but they're all so niggly and minor that referees seem to forget them instantly. All the while, he'll stick an elbow in here, a foot in there, with a remarkable knack for knowing when nobody is looking. This guy is pure evil...and St. Mirren fans love him for it.
Ultimate moment: Goading Kris Boyd into punching him in a league game in August; afterwards Goodwin told the press that it was "a good scrap".
L.
No comments:
Post a Comment