Guess who's got himself a ticket for Manchester City against Chelsea on Monday 19th March?
I'll give you a clue - it wasn't you.
Yup, since I'm lucky enough to be on annual leave that week, I'm heading to the Ettihad (apparently, if the situation at Newcastle is anything to go by, I'll get sued or something if I call the ground by it's real name). To be honest I had grandiose, but not entirely unrealistic plans for a long weekend of English Premier League action, which was going to start at Goodison Park on Saturday (Everton v Arsenal), progress to Molineux on Sunday (Wolves v Manchester United) and culminate by watching the game which I reckon might end Andre Villas-Boas' reign as Chelsea coach.
However, I have a close friend who lives and works in Swansea and who has been asking for me to visit her for ages. And I can't help feeling I'd be a better, more rounded person if I visited her, than if I went gallivanting round football grounds on my own for three days.
On the other hand, I've noted that Cardiff are at home to Burnley on the Sunday, so if her chat is lousy, then escape is only an hour's train ride away...
The Man City-Chelsea game will mark my twentieth English Premier League game, not a bad total for someone who lives in the north of Scotland and has to travel at least 100 miles just to get to his own club's away matches. My first game was at the Riverside Stadium with my dad in October 2006, with Middlesbrough beating Everton 2-1that day. Yakubu scored twice for Boro; Tim Cahill got a consolation at the other end. How times have changed since then.
Anyway, friends and family often ask me how I've managed to get tickets for games, and how to handle the massive hassle of travelling (often they follow up these questions with "And why haven't you got a life yet?") So here is a useful guide on how to undertake these adventures...
1) Always go to an English game when your team are playing at Ibrox (unless you're a Rangers fan)
Four times Caley Thistle have been playing Rangers away, and I've chosen to go south of the border instead of seeing my team get humped by The Great Unwashed and getting intoxicated by the Buckfast fumes eminating from the home end. ICT's record in these four games? Two wins and two draws. The wins were as special as they come, too - the first, (witnessed by my mum and sister on the same day my dad and I took in the Boro-Everton game) was a 1-0 following a hideous goalkeeping error by Lionel Letizi, while I will never forget the second. I was sat in the back of the stand at St James' Park, utterly unbothered about Man Utd's 2-1 win, as I received dozens of texts telling me that Ian Black had converted a last-gasp penalty for the only goal of the game.
2)You can get a ticket almost anywhere if you look in advance
Tickets for most games go on general sale 3-4 weeks before the match. Obviously Liverpool-Man Utd is never going to be an option for the likes of me. But I got to Old Trafford to see Man Utd-Bolton in January. It did sell out in the end, but in this economic climate even United end up putting tickets on general sale for the masses when they're playing the likes of Bolton. I seriously toyed with going to the Emirates in October, and would have got a ticket for Arsenal-Stoke if I had wished.
3) Northern clubs are good value for money
Anything is good value for money compared to SPL football. A ticket for the main stand in Inverness costs a whopping £26...or even more if the Old Firm are in town. In comparison, myself and a friend went to Wigan-Arsenal at the DW Stadium in December, and sat at the half-way line, three rows from the front. The cost? £27 a seat. The likes of Wigan, Bolton and Blackburn can't sell out their grounds, so it's not hard to get a good seat as well. Newcastle are the exception to the rule - the Geordies are so mad about footie that only the crappier seats are available, and even those are pretty dear.
4) Driving isn't the worst way to get around
Coming from Inverness, I'm used to having to drive considerable distances, on rubbish roads, to get from one significant population centre to another. It came as a bit of a shock to realize that everywhere in the North of England is so close together. In Janaury we managed to get from Manchester to Aberdeen in five and a half hours (and I swear that no speed camera would have been offended by my driving). My old mate Allan, a willing accomplice on many trips, is a master of the motorway (we call trips in his VW Golf 'The Thomson Express') and has managed Glasgow to Liverpool in 3 hours flat.
Parking is the one big issue. Street parking is easier in some places (Blackburn) than others. New grounds tend to have adjacent car parks which charge extortionate fees. Newcastle is just a nightmare for parking - as proven by the time when Allan got lost and drove the wrong way round the City Centre's one-way system on a Saturday afternoon. A bit of planning and research on the internet will often reveal a convenient, cheap option, such as Salford Quays Mall (10mins walk from Old Trafford).
5) New grounds vs Old grounds
The older stadiums certainly have more atmosphere. In the case of Goodison Park, they also have leg room which would cramp a Hobbit's style; for myself, a 6ft 4in gentleman (insert pithy joke here), they are practically a DVT risk. Some of these modern flat-pack stadia lack personality, but they are far comfier and offer better views.
Anyone who has any questions or comments, feel free to pass them on; as for the rest of you, I'll see you at the Ettihad next month. Or, if you're watching Sky, you'll at least see me...
L.
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