Last week, I wrote extensively about how Caley Thistle's recent form left me fearing relegation almost as much as I fear salad. And so they only promptly go and welly six past Kilmarnock. In Kilmarnock. I've been to three of Inverness' away games this season, all of which they lost, with only one measly goal to show for it. So forgive me for not fancying a 400 mile round trip to Rugby Park. My parents went...and were rewarded with a BBC Alba clip where my mother could be seen clapping wildly and grinning like a maniac.
Ah, my mum. She promised me a phone call at half-time to tell me how the game is going; I often oblige her with the same if I'm at a game and she's not. My telephone analysis is generally a ten minute monologue with lines such as 'the extra man in midfield is causing problems' or '(insert name) is running the channels well', or, almost inevitably 'David Proctor is having a shocker again'.
Mum? 'We're doing all right today. We'll win.' That's it? 'Yup. Bye.' Considering we were away from home, the score was 1-1 at the time and we'd been behind for most of the game up to that point, I felt somewhat unimpressed. I should have known better than to doubt her; Caley romped to a win far more comfortable than 6-3 suggests. Say what you like about her punditry, but Mum is clearly far superior to Alan Shearer. Even though last year she screamed for a referee to punish an opposing player's foul with 'a ticket'.
Anyway, the moral of this story is that, whenever I write anything negative about a player or team, they instantly hit a rich vein of form, and whenever I scribble something bullish, that player or team instantly dips faster than the Italian economy. So, dear reader, I expect you are asking yourself 'which team will he punish/bless (delete as applicable) with a blogpost this week?'. Actually, I suspect you are asking yourself 'when will he get to the bloody point?'
Alas for Hibs fans, I didn't get round to writing about their wretched defeat to Dunfermline in time to save Colin Calderwood from the sack. CC was ditched just before a club AGM where chairman Rod Petrie was set to be met by an angry mob waving scythes and pitchforks. Coincidentally, Calderwood's successor, John Hughes, was sacked just about a year ago...just before just before a club AGM where chairman Rod Petrie was set to be met by an angry mob waving scythes and pitchforks.
You can't say that Calderwood wasn't backed by his chairman - several signings, including Garry O'Connor, a six figure transfer budget which was wasted on Ross County's Martin Scott, and an opportunity to completely revamp the side. The results never came; just 12 wins in 49 games, and only 42 points in 44 SPL matches. It makes Petrie's decision to stop Calderwood from leaving to become assistant at Nottingham Forest in the summer even more ridiculous than it seemed at the time; instead of £300,000 in compensation, Petrie now has to pay him off.
So in the last five years we have seen the Easter Road dugout welcome John Collins, Mixu Paatelainen, John Hughes and Colin Calderwood. All appeared to be young managers with fresh ideas, all set to go places and take the team with them. All have had their reputations utterly wrecked. Only big Mixu, with his wonderful efforts at Kilmarnock last season, has bounced back.
And it is Kilmarnock I want to focus on.
For all has not been well since Mixu departed in the Spring to become manager of his native Finland. His assistant, Northern Irishman Kenny Shiels, was, unsurprisingly, installed as caretaker for the remainder of the campaign. In the summer he was given the job permanently, a decision which seemed based more on his promise to continue the brand of pretty passing football promoted by his predecessor, than on results - his 8 matches as caretaker produced a grand total of 4 points and zero wins.
I thought it was a bit odd that Killie chairman Michael Johnston didn't broaden his horizons, but his decision seemed justified after a start to the season which saw Shiels' side go unbeaten for the opening four matches, including a 4-1 demolition of Hibs...though bear in mind that it wasn't quite clear how utterly brutal Hibs were at this point. Since then, Kilmarnock have slid down the table, with only two further wins, and an incredible clash with Celtic where they blew a 3-0 halftime lead at home.
The failure to emulate last season's success is not surprising, really; last year Paatelainen got the results, and the performances, with a side that included creative midfielders Alexei Eremenko (whose loan spell finished in the summer), Craig Bryson (sold to Derby in the summer) and Mehdi Taouil (signed by Hearts in the summer) and, for half a season, Connor Sammon up front (who went to Wigan last January).
Kilmarnock 2010-11
Shiels has none of these players, though he has replaced Sammon's goals with Paul Heffernan, the Irish veteran signed from Sheffield Wednesday, and replaced some of the creativity with the arrival on loan from Doncaster of his own son, Dean Shiels; in fact, Shiels has been in such good form that he is at last becoming better known for his ability than for the fact that he only has one eye (his right eye was blinded in a childhood accident and removed in 2006). But he's been a rare bright spark. And his loan deal ends in January.
Kilmarnock 2011-12
Even with his own son on board, Shiels has now won only 3 out of 22 SPL games as Kilmarnock manager. You thought Calderwood's record was bad? A run to a league cup semi final has at least prevented him from feeling the heat. But on Saturday, as stated earlier, Killie shipped six goals at home to bottom-of-the-table Inverness. If that isn't relegation form, what is?
The gold medal in the sack race was already won in August by Jim Jefferies; Calderwood has scooped the silver. The way things are headed in Ayrshire, it might just be worth a cheeky each-way bet on Kenny Shiels to be the next to go.
Or, true to the traditions of this blog, he might make me look like a complete twit and take his side on an epic unbeaten run...
L.
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