I'm far too lazy to check back through previous blogposts to see if I have, but I don't care - I'm so proud of that comparison that I will use it twice. It's my blog, dammit.
But you only have to see how Killie collapsed after big Mixu left to see how much they missed him...or alternately, how caretaker boss Kenny Shiels is to football management what Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is to reasoned political debate. Killie failed to win any of the eight games under Shiels' direction, which means chairman Michael Johnston will surely go looking for another coach this summer; if nothing else, I'm sure there are a few jakies in the local high street who could go do the job better, and would only need to be paid in bottles of Buckfast.
But, whilst big Mixu was in charge, he got his side playing lovely passing football, with the his fellow Finn, Alexei Eremenko, the conductor-in-chief. When Killie gave Caley a good going over after Christmas, I said at one point "Look at Eremenko strut around like he's the best player on the pitch"; within a few minutes he became clear that he had good reason to do so. Paatelainen also got the best of Moroccan Mehdi Taouil, and turned Irish forward Connor Sammon from a plodding pubteam player into an explosive striker who an English Premier League team felt they could take a punt on in January.
But finding a new coach is just the first of the club's worries; there's no way they can afford to make Eremenko's loan deal permanent. Taouil and another midfielder, Craig Bryson, are likely to move on under a Bosman, while full-back Jamie Hamill appears to have earned a move to Hearts. The team's weak spot was always at the back, but it will be even more vulnerable unless they can sign another on-loan player, defender Momo Sissoko, and convince Scotland squad keeper Cammy Bell to sign a new contract.
In short, Kilmarnock are pretty much back where they were twelve months ago - manager-less, with a thin squad and a lack of quality or depth in the squad. Can they really strike the jackpot again, or was this season just a brief escape from perpetual relegation worries?
The latter, most likely - expect them to be back in the bottom half next year.
I suspect Motherwell might be there too.
When Craig Brown left for Pittodrie in December, taking Well's most potent striker, the on-loan Nick Blackman, with him, not many would have bet on the team making it to the top six, not least when highly-rated centre back Mark Reynolds legged it to Sheffield Wednesday in the transfer window. The appointment as manager of Stuart McCall seemed a bit underwhelming given his rather mediocre record down south with Bradford City, but he steadied the ship nicely and managed to get the results despite playing on a pitch that looked like a scene from The Battle of the Somme. He even guided the team to the cup final, even if they rarely threatened to deny Neil Lennon his moment of glory.
It's just a shame that McCall insists on patrolling the touchline in a tracksuit top and too-short shorts combo.
Dear oh dear. That really should be illegal.
Unlike Kilmarnock, though, Motherwell have a reasonable chance of holding on to most of their squad - though goalkeeper Darren Randolph has gone from being Charlton Athletic reserve to Ireland squad member in a year, while electric but inconsistent winger Chris Humphrey, signed from Shrewsbury two years ago, is being linked with teams ranging from Rangers to Liverpool (no, I can't believe it either). The decision of striker John Sutton to leave for Hearts was a blow though.
But they might get a half-decent fee for Humphrey and, if they do, they could afford to keep Randolph and young forward Jamie Murphy. Couple that with a youth system which seems to solidly produce one or two new first team players a season and McCall has a recipe that could keep Motherwell in the top six; they certainly appear to be in better shape than Kilmarnock are.
MOTHERWELL
League: 6th, 46pts
League Cup: semi final
Scottish Cup: final
Star man: John Sutton had always looked like a journeyman forward until this season, but chose a contract year to take his game to the next level. Sadly for Motherwell, he's signed for Hearts for next season.
Waste of space: Craig Brown didn't make many mistakes in the transfer market, but the signing of the lesser-spotted Spanish striker Esteban Casagolda was one of them - 13 appearances and no goals later, he will almost certainly be on his way.
Confirmed first team departures: Gavin Gunning (end of loan), John Sutton
Other likely departures: Esteban Casagolda, Angelis Charalambous, Francis Jeffers, Steve Jones, Maurice Ross
Needs for next season: A target man and a centre-half to take over from veteran Stephen Craigan.
KILMARNOCK
League: 5th, 49pts
League Cup: quarter final
Scottish Cup: 4th round
Star man: Finn Alexei Eremenko was a breath of fresh air and a class above any other player outside the Old Firm; do not rule out seeing him wearing a Rangers or Celtic shirt next season.
Waste of space: The signing of Willy Aubameyang from Milan in January sounded exotic, but he has made little impact so far. At least he chose not to put his first name on his shirt, unlike in Italy...
Confirmed first team departures: Kieran Agard (end of loan), Alexei Eremenko (end of loan), Jamie Hamill
Other likely departures: Craig Bryson, Mohamadou Sissoko, Mehdi Taouil
Needs for next season: Strikers, and lots of them, plus creative midfield players and a new right back.
L.
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