Two matches on consecutive days this midweek have given SPL Chief Executive Neil Doncaster incontrovertible evidence of everything that is wrong with his organization.
He probably didn't watch the first of these games up in Inverness on Tuesday night, as Caley took on Dundee United; the word "banal" does not quite do justice to the quality of entertainment on show, as two risk-averse teams, paralysed by the fear of how defeat would damage their top six ambitions, showed less derring-do than the Italian Army circa-1940. A battle between two kittens over a ball of string would have provided more thrill and, frankly more menace as well. The biggest shock was that there were goals at all; two for Dundee United late on, the first after a horrendous defensive error. To be honest, I'd toyed with leaving early even with the score goalless.
And to cap it all, the price of a main stand ticket: £26. In the middle of a recession, when a litre of petrol costs over £1, on a chilly Tuesday night. If the attendance was two-thirds of the announced 3,300 I would be amazed; I believe counting season ticket holders as being there allows less tax to be paid on gate receipts, or something? Anyway, it was an utter waste of an evening, and left me utterly depressed and wondering why I even bother going to Caley Stadium, as well as dreading a home clash with Motherwell on Saturday.
It was also going to be the subject of my blog, until "certain events" at Celtic Park superseded it.
To be honest, my first instinct was to snigger uncontrollably at the whole fiasco - El Hadji Diouf strutting around like a primary school kid trying to impersonate Jay-Z; Lennon and McCoist squaring up like teenagers pretending to want to fight but with both secretly hoping that his mates drag him away before one of them is obliged to throw a punch. The slapstick would shame most pantomime actors. But sadly there are just too many people (mostly young men, mostly alcohol-fuelled, all idiots) who are incited to do stupid things as a result - leading to dozens of arrests in the progress.
So this is what the SPL is these days - ten of the teams scrap around trying not to lose, boring everyone to death, while the other two aren't really about the football, but about having one over the other half of Glasgow. Just as well really, considering the quality of the football.
At least with the Old Firm there is an opportunity to make a statement. 22 years ago two players were convicted of breach of the peace after a fight in a Rangers-Celtic game; you would not have to work hard to find grounds to convict Diouf and Lennon (maybe McCoist as well, though he looked rather more sage and dignified than the snarling Lennon). Maybe if the clubs criticized the behaviour of their management teams and players...not likely considering Celtic chief executive Peter Lawwell who claimed that his team and fans had been exemplary (presumably whilst sticking his fingers in his ears, closing his eyes and shouting "la la la, I'm not listening)...then perhaps, perhaps, the message that 22 grown men kicking the crap out of each other, to the sound of 60,000 egging them on, with a background hum of singing about the IRA/Pope/Queen, is just not on anymore.
But if the clubs won't do that, then the idea of games behind closed doors is almost as good. How about starting with the next league cup final next month? That would be a statement.
If only. Neil Doncaster will inevitably appear in the next few days to explain how this would never have happened with a ten team SPL.
L.
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