Reading between the lines with Neil Doncaster

Looking up the wikipedia page of SPL Chief Executive Neil Doncaster, it's not surprising that his original career was as a solicitor.

No wonder his silver tongue appeared, just for a second, to have got the Scottish sports media eating out of his hand with a load of claptrap earlier this week. Let's have a look at some of his soundbites, and, well, rip them to shreds...

"We've certainly had the indication that the plan on the table is more attractive to TV than the status-quo"

From whom? Sky? The BBC? Why on earth would the SPL trust TV companies so soon after the Setanta fiasco? And how much more attractive - how much more money would there be (and why won't you tell us?)

"if we stay as we are then we will be managing continuing decline"

Actually, the fans would tell you the reason for not staying as we are is that they can't be bothered with the boredom and lack of variety of playing each other so often.

"No one else has put any alternatives up. I think those who want 16 teams in the top flight are deluding themselves"

Actually, Henry McLeish himself put up the alternative of a 14-team SPL. You might be right about sixteen being too many. But you've made an effort to point out the pros of 10, and the cons of 12, 16, 18 and 20. There is another even number in there which you are blatantly ignoring.

"This is not just looking after our own. It's about the best interests of all 42 clubs"

How is this in the interests of, say, Albion Rovers and Montrose? What do they have to gain from this? (Since this is another question you won't answer, is it reasonable to infer that they have nothing to gain?). As you have said, you are splitting the cake into bigger slices - for the top ten teams. And who gets the two biggest slices? Who do you think? I'll give you a clue - it ain't Caley Thistle and Kilmarnock.

"It's about ensuring teams don't face the financial oblivion that the likes of Falkirk and Inverness have done in recent years"

Since when were Inverness in financial oblivion? Being in the top division didn't stop Dundee, Livingston and Motherwell from going to administration, nor did it stop Rangers, Aberdeen, Hearts and Kilmarnock, among others, from building up ridiculous levels of debt. And how does the money reach Albion Rovers, Montrose etc?

"We have to acknowledge that the popular vote is for a larger league but you can't just ask the question in isolation"

How many other businesses are run on the premise that you do eactly the opposite of what your customers want?

"If you put it to them that your club will lose at least £1m then it doesn't look very attractive"

These are his "calculations" based on apparent loss of TV money and big games. These are also calculations that nobody has seen, and may not even exist - which reminds this writer of the dossier on Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction.

"It's imperative that we bring more money in, we get the best players that we can afford and that fans see more exciting football."

I almost wonder if Doncaster forgot his facade for a moment here...he has basically admitted it is all about the money in the coffers. The last phrase shows a real lack of knowledge about football - anyone who watches it can tell you that the best players do not necessarily mean the most exciting football. As for "the best players we can afford", Scottish football did this in the 1990s, and it turned quickly into "the best players we can't afford now but will once we've lured more fans and won trophies", then morphed into "the best players we can't really afford but we'll kid ourselves that we can" and eventually rotted into "the best players which we have to make redundant, along with lots of normal people associated with the clubs".

Thankfully, it appears Dundee United, Inverness, Kilmarnock and Hearts, plus the SFL (who haven't even been consulted on the plan to remove a quarter of its teams and potentially even expunge it) are going to put a foot down to stop Doncaster. But watch the SPL's Chief Executive in his next TV interview...I swear that, if the lights catch him at the right angle, you can see very thin strings hanging from his arms and legs. Strings which a cynic might say are being operated by his Old Firm puppeteers.

L.