Welcome to rant city

Rant one: the world cup.

I would love to go to a World Cup - in fact I would happily exchange one of my upper limbs for this privilege. However, the destination would need to fit certain criteria; firstly, it would need to be relatively straightforward to get to the country, and to travel throughout that country. Secondly, I'm not going anywhere where my own safety is at significant risk.

The 2010 World Cup was in South Africa - expensive to travel to, with a poor infrastructure for travelling around the country, where the risks of carjacking and violence are very high. Chances of me going - half the chance a snowball has of surviving in hell

The 2014 World Cup will be in Brazil - expensive to travel to, with unmaintained roads, a railway network that has seen barely any investment in years, and concerns over the safety of its air travel. And as the esteemed Tim Vickery pointed out for the BBC this week, it is also a place where muggings etc happen a lot. And it will be bloody hot. Chances of me going - half the chance a snowball has of surviving in hell

The 2018 World Cup will be in Russia - expensive to travel to, though it might have a decent infrastructure in eight years (none of it has been built yet - nor have most of the stadia). Personal safety is a huge issue, though I'm protected a bit by the fact I'm not black, gay or a journalist representing a free press. Chances of me going - half the chance a snowball has of...well you get the picture.

The 2022 World Cup will be in Qatar - expensive to travel to, whilst the infrastructure doesn't exist right now either. In fact, the stadium for the final will be built in a city that...doesn't exist yet. Seems safer than the other countries - though the foreign office lists it as being at significant
risk from terrorism. The main worry is the 40-plus degree heat in the summer months. Chances of me going - half the chance a snowball has of surviving in...er...Qatar.

At least Spain/Portugal and Belgium/Holland are affordable, straightforward destinations for the majority of supporters - let's not beat around the bush here, the vast majority of football fans who can afford to go to World Cups are European. And whilst I enjoy the irony of David Cameron moaning about people making him promises and turning out to be lying, it's quite sickening to see what the World Cup has become - you have to beg to get it, not bid, and it's all about who can provide FIFA with the most cash whilst asking the fewest questions. The only solace - hell hath no fury like the British press scorned. Sepp Blatter and co think Panorama and the Sunday Times were the worst of it? This could become very interesting over the next few months.

Rant two: Undersoil heating

I emailed a complaint to the BBC this week after an article that suggested that Inverness, St. Johnstone and Aberdeen were all likely to have their games called off because "of the weather in the North East".

Inverness - North East? Perth - North East? Obviously the writer has never ventured beyond the Forth Road Bridge in his life - and he assumed somewhat erroneously that the weather in the Highlands was bound to be exactly the same as in Aberdeen and Tayside.

Well, it's not. We've had barely any more snow since the original fall at the end of last week. The temperature is still low, but the roads are generally okay (except for my street, which apparently doesn't appear on the maps of any council snow plough drivers). So I was massively hacked off to hear that all the SPL games were called off this weekend - on Wednesday afternoon. Caley had quite proudly been telling everyone that our pitch would be playable - but
apparently it is too unsafe for spectators and stuff.

If the roads are too unsafe to go to the football, doesn't that make them too unsafe to, well, do anything? I don't see the police closing all the shopping centres so that people aren't encouraged to make non-essential purchases. Besides, the A9 was worse last weekend...when the SPL showed no interest in postponing Caley's away game at Celtic whatsoever. The team bus barely arrived at the ground in time.

And to cap it all, Inverness' undersoil heating (installed at a six-figure cost) was switched on the first two days this week (at a cost of about £3,000 a day) because SPL rules dictate all clubs must have it and use it. Yet it appears that now, whenever the weather is bad enough to require USH, the police will demand the game be called off anyway. So what the heck is the point? And how do these central-belt wusses intend to pay us back for the money wasted trying to get the game on? When the game should have been on anyway?

Rant no.3 - why bother selling hot food on the shelves at supermarkets when the queues are so long that its cold by the time you pay for...oh, wait, thats not about football. I'll just have to rant about that to someone else then.

L.