Told you I had a Celtic list as well. In fact, I wrote it a month ago, to post when I was going through a busy patch and didn't have time to write something fresh. Which makes it a bit inexcusable that I've barely posted in the last fortnight.
10) JUNINHO (free transfer from Middlesbrough, August 2004)
Martin O'Neill must have hoped he was signing the Juninho who had lit up the Premier League at Middlesbrough in the late nineties, or at least the one who was solid in midfield for Brazil at the 2002 World Cup. Instead he got a timid, titchy player whose legs had gone and who couldn't cope with the physicality of the SPL - and who couldn't dislodge Neil Lennon and Stiliyan Petrov from the team. He scored only one goal for the club and left after a year for Australia, having earned a healthy wage in the process.
9) MARC-ANTOINE FORTUNE (£3.8 million from Nancy, July 2009)
Fortune was Tony Mowbray's marquee signing, having had a solid five months on loan under his tutelage at West Bromwich Albion. The Frenchman was a decent target man who could run the channels and hold up the ball - but not a goalscorer - he only scored 2 goals in his first 12 games. That tally was to improve - a total of 12 in 43 - but he was so mediocre he made Georgios Samaras look decent. Celtic at least got £2.5 million back when West Brom signed him in August 2010.
8) DAVID FERNANDEZ (£1 million from Livingston, June 2002)
Both Rangers and Celtic have gone through spells of stealing the best talent from other SPL clubs - possibly more to weaken their opponents than to strengthen their own squads. Fernandez was a prime example; a Spaniard brought across to play in the first division for Steve Archibald's Airdrie in 2000, he moved to Livingston when that all went belly-up and was their star man in the 2001-02 season as the team finished third. Martin O'Neill quickly moved in and, for a million, he got a guy who made all of 20 appearances in 3 years, with a solitary goal against Suduva in the UEFA Cup. But Livingston went downhill after that. After leaving Celtic, Fernandez had spells at Dundee United and Kilmarnock where he appeared to earn decent wages for doing not very much.
7) GLENN LOOVENS (£2.5 million from Cardiff, August 2008)
Obviously transfer fees are not what they used to be, so you would expect to get a centre-half of decent quality for £2.5 million. Instead, Celtic got Dutchman Glenn Loovens, a standout in the Championship with Cardiff City but just accident- and injury-prone since his move to Scotland. Tony Mowbray tried pairing him with both Stephen McManus and Gary Caldwell; when that didn't work out he bizarrely chucked the other two and kept Loovens, who hasn't held down a regular place under Neil Lennon. Talk is of him returning to Cardiff in January, with Celtic unlikely to get their money back.
6) JOS HOOIVELD (£1.4 million from AIK Solna, January 2010)
As I said on a previous blog - what does Jos Hooiveld actually look like? As stated above Mogga chucked Caldwell and McManus and spent heavily on this Dutchman who had looked good in Finland and Sweden, but who picked up a thigh injury in his second game and has only made nine appearances in a year. So far, so good...he's another one who may be off to pastures new when the transfer window opens.
5) JIRI JAROSIK (£2 million from Chelsea, June 2006)
Gordon Strachan seemed hell-bent on signing European midfield players - none of whom worked out (also see the next two entries, as well as Marc Crosas). Jarosik had looked out of his depth at Chelsea, then out of his depth at Birmingham as well. The Czech international midfielder did score two Champions League goals for the club, but did little else of note other than look disinterested on the bench and moved to Russia after eighteen unimpressive months.
4) MASSIMO DONATI (£3 million from Milan, June 2007)
The irony with Donati is that he finally put in a few good games for Celtic at the start of the 2009-10 season...and was promptly sold to Bari. A holding midfield player, the Italian was signed with a bit of fanfare, the most expensive purchase of that summer. His high point was scuffing in a late winner against Shakhtar Donetsk in the Champions League, but amid reports of homesickness he fell behind Scott Brown, Paul Hartley and Barry Robson in the queue. He made only 13 appearances in his last year and a half at the club.
3) MORTEN RASMUSSEN (£1.8 million from Brondby, January 2010)
Celtic must wish they hadn't let Tony Mowbray waste so much of their money in his final transfer window. Rasmussen was known as "Duncan" in his home country because of an alleged resemblance to Duncan Ferguson, though since the Dane is a six foot one inch goal poacher I certainly can't see a similarity. Mowbray appeared to quickly decide he didn't like him and marooned him on the bench; Neil Lennon liked him even less and packed him to Germany for a year's loan. Where he still sits on the bench.
2) THOMAS GRAVESEN (£2 million from Real Madrid, August 2006)
Remember when the bald headed Dane strutted around midfield for Everton like he owned the place (usually because he actually did own the middle of the park)?
Celtic didn't get that Thomas Gravesen, who went missing and has never been seen again; instead they got the Gravesen who looked timid and lost at Real Madrid for eighteen months prior to arriving at Celtic Park. He actually scored in an Old Firm game, and a hat-trick against St Mirren too, but sank without trace, with rumours of a poor attitude abounding. A year's loan back at Goodison Park didn't go well and he was let go after two years where he might well have been Celtic's highest paid player.
1) RAFAEL (£5 million from Gremio, January 2000)
Now you know why I made these lists "of the century" instead of "of the decade" - so I could include the misfit Brazilian defender whose full name, Rafael Felipe Scheidt, gave tabloids and fans instant, everlasting amusement. The manager who brought him to Parkhead, John Barnes, was sacked within a month, and his fee of £5 million eventually transpired to be £1 million for each of the five appearances he made in a Celtic shirt. Surely this counts as the worst signing in Scottish football history?
Happy Christmas and New Year to you all.
L.
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