Eat my goal

The greatest goal ever scored - now that's a full night's pub conversation guaranteed, because everyone has their own idea of what constitutes a truly wonderful goal. What makes a goal great in your eyes? Is it a type of shot, in terms of distance, power, or swerve? Is it about technique, such as a volley or a bicycle kick? Is it all about the build-up rather than the finish? Is a great team goal better than a great individual goal? And how much is about the occasion? Or the emotional response it produces in the fan who is watching it?

For my own favourites, I think it;s only fair to rule out all goals before 1990, which was when I was old enough to take an interest in football. So that already knocks out two of the strikes that tend to be near the top of these lists - Maradona versus England in '86 (no, not the Hand of God, the chip on my shoulder isn't that big) and Carlos Alberto's finish for the great team goal Brazil scored in the 1970 World Cup Final.

In retrospect, the efforts that I've tended to throw myself about like a lunatic in celebration for (whether I was at the game or watching it on TV) are, for the most part, certainly not candidates for this debate. There are two exceptions. One is James McFadden's goal in Paris last year. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kfNfo9hkbbg The other was by Inverness midfielder John Rankin against Rangers in December 2006. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NukkbegfrxA

But both these goals are long range screamers. And you just know, deep down, that nine times out of ten(in Rankin's case, far more often than that) the ball ends up so far in the back of the stand that you'd think Bobby Zamora had hit it. (If you sit in row Z and the ball hits your head,, that's Zamora...) Ultimately, these goals can be scored by anyone, from Premier League superstars to lower league journeyman to Sunday Leaguers who just hammered the ball because the couldn't be a**ed to run. And for me anyway, that makes them worth about us much as the pound sterling just now.

So as far as I'm concerned, the ultimate goals have to be the ones that, at the specific moment and time of their execution, you couldn't possibly imagine being replicated by any other player in the world in the same situation, playing for the same team, against the same opposition, in the same circumstances. Have I used "same" enough to emphasise my point? I'm sure I was taught that as a writing method in Standard Grade English...

Anyway, the three which still make me goosebump are these. The Zidane volley is definitely third http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=xdy5fKdLvL8 in my book, but it is surely the perfect volley, technically difficult in so many ways yet he looks so relaxed as he hits it that his leg moves almost lazily through the air. And to get swerve on it too! In a bloody great Champions League final!

The other two I can't separate for love nor money. It's interesting to think that neither of these guys will be mentioned along with Maradona or Zidane at the top of lists of greatest players, though it's likely that they will end up somewhere in the lower echelons of the top 100. But these are what make them truly shine with greatness. The first is by Barcelona's Rivaldo; bear in mind that this was the final match of that La Liga season, where Barca had to win to nick the final Champions' League spot from their opponents Valencia. It was the last minute of the match, with the score 2-2, after the Brazilian's first two efforts had been equalized. And he did this for his hat trick, the win, and the 25million jackpot that came with it. Clucking bell. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uS2bomiDOko

The other I remember watching live on TV in 1999 as treble-chasing Man Utd held on for dear life in extra time of the FA Cup semi final replay against Arsenal. At 1-1, Man U were a man down after Roy Keane's sending off, and were only still alive after Peter Schmeichel saved a Dennis Bergkamp penalty at the end of normal time. And Ryan Giggs only goes and bloody does this. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hrOyedpeZnk Unbe-flipping-lievable. Love it.

I dare you to watch any of these videos without having a stupid, inane grin on your face. Go on. I dare you.

L.