Thursday, April 14, 2016

Worst signings of the Premiership season (part 2)

Here we go then, the top (or bottom) 10.  It was hard to pick a winner this year, because there was so many candidates to choose from.  There are some proper shockers in here.  But I reckon most Dundee United fans will agree with me...

Image result for aaron kuhl dundee united
10. Aaron Kuhl (Dundee United)
Sitting midfielder Kuhl was one of Jackie McNamara's last signings, on loan from Reading.  He looked like David Luiz with his huge bouffant, and seemed determined to model his play on the erratic Brazilian...and I don't mean that in a positive sense.  After Paatelainen's arrival he drifted out of the team quickly and returned south in December, a month earlier than planned.  Perhaps he should spend less time on his hair.

Image result for brad mckay st johnstone hearts
9. Brad McKay (St. Johnstone)
McKay seemed like a slightly odd arrival in Perth, given that he had never managed to hold down a regular place at Hearts.  But with Steven Anderson injured and Frazer Wright departing, he was parachuted into the team at the start of the season.  His league debut was back at Tynecastle, where St. Johnstone conceded four goals and McKay was given the run around by Juanma; if that wasn't bad enough, he was censured by the SFA for labelling the Spaniard as "a typical foreigner" in a post-match jibe at the striker's style of play.  Given that Mckay had handed him a goal on a plate early on, there was a definite feeling of sour grapes.  He made another terrible blunder against Ross County soon after and Tommy Wright's confidence in him evaporated - he hasn't played for them since, and seems to have found his level on loan at Dunfermline.

Image result for nadir ciftci celtic
8. Nadir Ciftci (Celtic)
One can forgive Nadir Ciftci for wanting to leave Dundee United's sinking ship, certainly when a decent sized wage was on offer at Celtic.  But he was terribly overpriced and was always going to need a run of games to get up to speed - a situation that would never happen unless Leigh Griffiths got injured.  Ronny Deila was so confident in the Turk that he went on to sign several other forwards.  Ciftci scored four goals - a poor return for a player who cost over a million pounds - before moving to Eskisehirspor on loan in January.  Deila says he'll be back.  I doubt it very much.  Still, it could be worse - he also had an offer to sign for Rotherham.

Image result for carlton cole celtic
7. Carlton Cole (Celtic)
What was the point?  Carlton Cole was 32 in October, so he has no sell-on value, and he doesn't have the mobility that Celtic want from their centre forward.  He has basically been paid a massive wage to come off the bench late on if Celtic need a goal and have to play route one...which didn't actually work the one time they needed it to, against Motherwell at home.  He has played 79 minutes of league football for the club; in fact, the only decent game time he's had recently was in Mark Noble's West Ham testimonial - where he was roundly mocked for looking less fit than most of the retired players.  And he's under contract at Celtic Park for another year.  He must have a great agent.

Image result for jake taylor motherwell
6. Jake Taylor (Motherwell)
The only time I saw a Motherwell fan praise one of Taylor's performances on Pie & Bovril was on a day when he was an unused sub - that tells you something about the esteem they held him in.  The Reading loanee, incredibly, has a cap for Wales.  He was just terrible at Fir Park, offering nothing in either midfield or on the wing and getting sent off at St. Johnstone.  Motherwell never won any of the seven games he started.  He returned south in January and is now at Exeter.

Image result for scott robinson kilmarnock
5. Scott Robinson (Kilmarnock)
Does Robinson have incriminating photos of Gary Locke?  He got far too much gametime under Locke at Hearts, despite being clearly not good enough for the Premiership, and barely played in the Championship last season before being released.  Yet Locke gave him a three year deal in the summer.  His first start saw them ship four goals at home to Dundee; his sixth and final start saw them ship five at home to Partick.  He clearly doesn't have sufficient dirt on Lee Clark, who let him go in March after only nine months at Kilmarnock.  He's now on amateur terms at Dunfermline.

Image result for kazim richards celtic
4. Colin Kazim-Richards (Celtic)
The signing of Kazim-Richards feels similar to the time Rangers signed Marcus Gayle many moons ago - they already had several decent players in the same position, so why bother?  Add in Kazim-Richards' reputation for trouble - he had just left Feyenoord after threatening a Dutch journalist - and it seemed like a high risk, low reward move.  So far the Leytonstone-born Turkish international (how many of those are there?) has managed a solitary goal at Stranraer and, er, that's it, apart from a stamp on an Aberdeen player a few minutes into his debut that the officials missed.  But Celtic have signed him for another two seasons after this one, so he can continue to deny promising youngsters such as Ryan Christie game time.

Image result for dani lopez inverness
3. Dani Lopez (Inverness Caledonian Thistle)
There was something desperate about the signing of Lopez, a Spanish striker who had spent plenty of time in England's lower leagues.  John Hughes' ICT had been heavily dependent on pacey forwards like Billy Mckay and Marley Watkins stretching play, so a big lummox who moved like he was stuck in treacle was never going to fit in.  He did manage one goal at Celtic Park, when we were already 4-1 down, before getting injured.  Lopez was probably going to punted in January anyway, but he made sure by spitting on a St. Johnstone teenager during a reserve match in December.

Image result for darko bodul dundee united
2. Darko Bodul (Dundee United)
Darko Bodul is actually still at Dundee United, having presumably displayed Derk Boerrigter-esque levels of resistance to being paid off; it's four months since Mixu Paatelainen told him he could leave, but he's still kicking around Tayside somewhere.  The club can thank Jackie McNamara for giving him a two year deal.  Last seen as a sub in the new year derby, Bodul never scored in his twelve appearances for the club.  If he's around for next season too, it'll be a waste of a wage on a proper footballer.

Image result for rodney sneijder dundee united
1. Rodney Sneijder (Dundee United)
Wesley's younger, less talented brother apparently can play a bit, which is why Dundee United spent months working on convincing him to move to Scotland.  "He has a fabulous pedigree and you can see his talent", said Jackie McNamara.  Except we didn't, bar 20 minutes as a sub on the opening day of the season.  He was released by the end of August, amid rumours that he had returned to Holland because of panic attacks (insert tasteless joke about Dundee here), but his agent subsequently revealed that he was suffering from post-viral fatigue.  In their statement, United said they had "responsibility to protect the player's health going forward and respect for his current situation".  Sneijder has been without a club since.  It was a terrible shame for him, but a disaster for United who clearly thought they had achieved quite a coup in signing him.

Lawrie Spence (LS) has ranted and spouted his ill-informed opinions on Narey's Toepoker since September 2007.  He has a life outside this blog.  Honestly.

No comments: