Gret a grip! Caley stuff Gretna 4-0

For every goal Caley scored yesterday, I drove eighty miles. Trust me, it was worth it, particularly as our fans goaded the home crowd with "you're just a pub team from England". I have never seen a worse side in the SPL than Gretna are right now. Having gifted us an early penalty, they were a shambles at the back, allowing us to push the ball about the park with no apparent sense of urgency. Whenever we looked like we could be bothered, we created a goalscoring opportunity. It wasn't so much like a knife cutting through butter as a lightsaber through thin air. The "home side" (bearing in mind it was in Motherwell) took 55 minutes to create an opportunity, by which time we had scored twice and missed three chances that could be politely described as "sitters" and less politely as "f****** awful", a description that neatly sums up Marius Niculae in front of goal. The side propping up the SPL resemble a grass snake - no backbone, no lethality, and it seems to the observer no purpose in life either.

In contrast, I was absolutely bricking it when they won promotion. The money constantly donated by their philanthropist, the ponytailed, chain smoking Brooks Mileson was always going to run out sooner later, as are his heart and lungs, but if they strengthened enough over the summer, I saw them doing what Livingston did initially in the top division, and knew that would put Caley at massive risk of being relegated this year.

Of course, the main reason that Gretna waltzed through the divisions was that they lured veteran pros full-time contracts and wages when they weren't forthcoming from top clubs. Think David Bingham, Steve Tosh, Derek Townsley, James Grady. To this they added the best players the part-time clubs in the bottom couple of divisions could offer. The trouble was that the team that won division one, by and large, was the team that won division 3, but the veterans were two years older, and the rest were good lower league players untested at the top level or former Carlisle United reserves.

So this summer, Gretna went out and made up for their deficiencies by signing, um, a bunch of English non-league players, English Championship youth players on loan, a couple of foreign players whose previous clubs were the Spanish and French third divisions, and a solitary "big" name (at least in terms of length), the Uruguayan schemer Fabian Yantorno, who has been their sole shining light in an utterly miserable season. What about all the cash Brooks invested in previous years just so they could stuff Montrose 7-0? I recall reading on the club's forum before the start of the year that fans thought Mileson was unwilling to splash out on the new stadium required for the SPL, an outlay too far at the moment and one that would only be made if they stayed up. Catch 22 - they can't afford the stadium unless the players manage to stay up, but if they buy the players they need to stay up then that uses up the cash for the new ground.

Add to this the fiasco over former manager Rowan Alexander, and it's no wonder things are a mess. Alexander, of course, "temporarily" stepped down for health reasons towards the end of last season, then was told on his return that there was no job for him. In his place is Davie Irons, his erstwhile assistant whose managerial experience consists of, well, the last couple of months of last season, where his side almost blew an astronomical lead over St. Johnstone in the promotion race. Word is that the real power lies with the Director Of Football (a phrase that to a football fan causes the same pallor and feeling of dread as the phrase "Richard Dawkins" does to creationists), Mick Wadsworth. Wadsworth appears to be the poor man's David Pleat, a journeyman manager from the lower English leagues who commands great respect and reputation despite having never actually seeming to achieve anything other than enough P45s to fill a moderately sized cupboard.

So, with the money seemingly having dried up, a coaching team with a lot left to be desired (not least ability) and a team that are more easy to beat than your average leather-clad masochist, where will salvation come from? As far as I can see it, the plan must be to somehow grasp to the coat-tails of the teams just above - Inverness, St. Mirren and Falkirk - and still be just about in touch by the January transfer window. Then, if Brooks relents and finds his wallet to bring in some quality, then survival might just be possible. But with one win from their opening eleven games, a complete lack of team spirit and no obvious reason why either of these scenarios should change soon, it's very difficult to see a Lazarus-type comeback.

And from my point of view, it's just as well.

No more Jol-lity at Spurs

So Martin Jol's reign at Spurs has ended at last - after a two month spell where he was effectively a dead man walking. The poor bloke - well, fairly rich actually after a pay-off rumoured at 4 million squids, - put on a terribly brave face during the whole thing, and every week on Match Of The Day, after Spurs had picked up yet another naff result, he still did a manful job of trying to convince the public that he still had a future, when in reality his job prospects were about as good as those of an Al Qaeda member trained as a nuclear technician.

His desperate cheeriness and wit endeared him to the public - Tottenham fans chanted his name to the very last during Thursday night's defeat by Getafe - and to the press, who have to a man criticized the Spurs board for their management of this. That is perhaps fair, but on the other hand Spurs have won only one of their first ten league games, and have been turgid at best, though injuries to key men, especially Ledley King and Aaron Lennon, have hardly helped.

Too often in his time at White Hart Lane, Jol also did his best to impersonate Rafa Benitez, spending extortionate sums on players who appeared all of ten times a season - last year there was Danny Murphy, Mido, Wayne Routledge and Ricardo Rocha. Ever heard of Kevin-Prince Boateng? Neither had I, but Spurs spent 5million on him this summer, and he's got about as close to the first team as I have. Moreover, big bucks have also been spent on men who simply didn't warrant that sort of cash - Darren Bent, Didier Zokora, Jermaine Jenas, Pascal Chimbonda. Is this Jol's fault? We don't know, but these are players with potential who Jol certainly hasn't been able to coax the best from them. His failure to convince the board to buy another wide player to supplant Aaron Lennon (in his absence, width has been provided by Jenas and Steed Malbranque - enough said) while stacking up on strikers, central midfielders and full-backs, seems just downright daft.

So, having already lost one fantastic character this season in Jose Mourinho, the Premier League bids farewell to another, though in this case, with Spurs 18th in the table, you can safely say that Martin Jol was, at least, sacked because of results. His successor-to-be, Juande Ramos, has a fantastic continental record and is known for attacking football, but I believe that the same was said about another Spurs manager of the mid-nineties. Surely, though Ramos can hardly do worse than Christian Gross...

L.

A week is a long time in politics, and in sport

This week, one of England's national sports teams were lauded as, if not heroes (you can't be a hero if you're a sportsman right now unless you score a goal against France in Parisand your name is James McFadden), then at least as a moderate success. Another sports team, meanwhile, were a national joke, an embarrassment.

Remember two or three weeks ago, when England's football team had come off their fourth successive 3-0 qualifying win, comfortably beating Russia. And remember that England's rugby team had scraped to an unimpressive win over the USA, then been absolutely humped by the Springboks.

Isn't it amusing how things change?

The immediate lesson to learn is that the British sports media are more volatile than a kilogram of plutonium in the middle of a forest fire. One relatively disappointing performance, and Steve McClaren is on the brink of having his head displayed on the back pages as whatever vegetable The Sun hasn't yet used for a failing England coach.

Is that fair?

The first thing that struck me from watching England lose in Moscow was a comparison with Euro 2004, where England led matches against France and Portugal, but couldn't turn them into wins. Why? Well, when their opponents brought on more attacking players, Sven Goran Eriksson continued to stick with the same tactics and saw his team get pushed back further and further. Oh, and a bit of class from Zidane helped France too, but that's beside the point.

Last Wednesday, Russia made a couple of substitutions early in the second half and went for it. England had coasted through the first half but in the 10 minutes before the equaliser Guus Hiddink's side were already threatening. What did Steve McClaren do? Zilch. So England got forced back further and further, resulting in a situation where Russia had all the momentum and you end up having Rooney tracking back to help and giving away a penalty. Now, rather a lot of good teams, when defending narrow leads, would bring on, say another defender or a defensive midfielder, kill the game, and play on the break.

Why don't England do this? Is there a pride that prevents England playing defensively, the feeling that the press and the country would come down on them like a ton of large brick-like things?

I don't know. But I think that if England had maybe subbed one of Rooney and Owen and brought on a defensive midfielder, or even, heaven forbid, a centre-back, they might have held on for the point that they ultimately needed. It tends to work a lot for the likes of Italy.

All is not lost though. If Russia mess up in Tel Aviv, then England could be off the hook. Once you get to the finals themselves, anything can happen. So who would rule out Steve McClaren still joining the rugby team as figure of honour next Summer?

Nah, he still needs to find a half-decent keeper. Till then, he's screwed.

Walter wellies Celtic's wallies

I'm going to really regret my lack of sleep, but I got up early enough today so I could watch a DVD recording of the Old Firm game, before Villa - Man Utd.

Firstly, may I say it is a real pleasure to see the return of the good old-fashioned pushing and shoving, and with it a gazillion yellow cards. Too often in recent years, Old Firm matches have been increasingly gentile, on some occasions going entire halves without a booking. However, today we had a return to the proper sniping that is often part of the Rangers-Celtic entertainment. McGregor deliberately standing on McDonald's foot (twice), then McDonald taking a kick at McGregor, Naylor and Hutton having a good set-to, and at all times Scott Brown and Barry Ferguson being complete jerks, trying to wind up opponents at every opportunity. Brilliant.

On the other hand, it was the poorest Celtic have been in an Old Firm match since the days of John Barnes (every Caley fan's favourite Celtic manager). Hurt by having no natural right-back, only one recognised striker on the pitch, and for inexplicable reasons, playing Jiri Jarosik, who, as far as I can tell, has not accomplished anything at Celtic Park other than polish the bench with his ass most weeks, the visitors were on the back foot all the way through, and to cap it all gave away three really soft goals - it's a pity that my rants about Gary Caldwell are becoming so cliched. And as for Nakamura, calling him ineffective would be unreasonably positive. He looked so disinterested that I wondered whether his short pockets contained a pencil and a Su Doku magazine, to be quickly taken out when the cameras weren't looking.

Rangers were better everywhere on the pitch, simple as that. I note Celtic are still top of the league though.

L.

Sucks to be me...

...restart night shift tonight, just before a weekend with the Old Firm, Everton v Liverpool and Caley's home "derby" (hey, it's not our fault the rest of Scottish football's 100 miles plus down the road) against Aberdeen. Forgive me for saying that part of me would almost rather be married to Cherie Blair (shivers) than miss this bunch of matches. Throw in Rangers v Barcelona and the various other Champs League games and I am not a Happy Chappie. At least, a couple of months before starting a psychiatry post, I am now better able to empathise with those who suffer from depression...

So keeping me going is the prospect of, next Saturday, driving to watch Caley in Gretna - thankfully the game is of course in Motherwell, which takes an hour off the driving time. Anyway, this week the blog will be updated only sparsely, as it was a few weeks ago when I completely failed to acknowledge the success in the last round of European games. Get used to it, I'm afraid, as occasionally I have to contribute to the real world.

L.

The bubble bursts?

After we succumbed to defeat in Tbilisi, I felt a strange, unfamiliar, bitter taste in my mouth. It was defeat. It's such a long time since the Tartan Army have had to a cope with a defeat, particularly one as disappointing as tonight's.

We were due a properly guff performance I suppose. As I said in one of my earlier posts, McLeish was also due a selection blunder. Here it was. He should have learned from Oleh Blokhin's huge mistake on Saturday - if you're away from home, do not play an attacking lineup. Blokhin played three forwards from the beginning - while that does not explain set-piece marking reminiscent of "partially-sighted" paralympic football - the game was too open from the beginning, And it was so with Scotland. With Shaun Baloney (Freudian slip) in the team, we were overrun completely in midfield. Instead, we really should have chucked in Christian Dailly, played McFadden wide left and waited for the Georgians, particularly the inexperienced ones, to get frustrated. Graeme Murty also had a shocker - with the benefit of the Hindsightoscope (the best friend of any football fan who thinks he actually knows something about the game) McEveley might have been a better option, with Alexander on the right. Admittedly, none of these changes would improve the bad luck at the first goal, as TV cameras show Weir's defensive header hit the forward full in the face and went in. Also, I'm not sure anyone execpt Craig Gordon had a decent game to be honest. It was an off day, and it's a relief that it took 11 matches to happen.

So, then. Beat the World Champions at home. Do we have one more miracle in us? On 17th November, we'll find out.

Results tonight have also thrown in the interesting possibility of none of the nations of the British Isles qualifying. Ireland join Wales on the scrap heap after a draw with Cyprus. I know it was a bad result, but surely 3rd place behind Germany and the Czechs is a reasonable spot to finish in? Yet Steve Staunton, with a squad nowhere near the quality that Charlton or McCarthy had, is expected to achieve qualification. It's almost as ridiculous as the idea of us qualifying from a group with 2 world cup finalist and a quarter-finalist.

Northern Ireland must be sick at the thought of what might have been. A wonderful point in Sweden which will still probably be worth nothing, because of two defeats by Iceland (beaten 3-0 by the mighty Liechtenstein tonight, incidentally. Eidur Gudjohnsen must be one depressed man) and one by Latvia. And England! If Israel don't do them a favour against Russia, the unthinkable happens. At least Sven's England qualified for the tournaments.

L.

Georgia's always on my mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind

Am I going to be sued by Paul McCartney (and/or Yoko Ono) for the title of this post?

I feel slightly calmer - but only slightly - for seeing Georgia's squad for Wednesday's game. No Shota Arveladze, who has retired from international football. No Kakha Kaladze, who is injured. Also missing through injury (or "trauma", as the Georgian Football Federation translates it, to my amusement) is Kobiashvili, their playmaking midfielder who is a regular in the Bundesliga. Interestingly, the first choice keeper, Lomaia, has left the squad after having a bit of a mare in the defeat by Italy; it has been implied that this is because his confidence is shot. So Georgia's starting keeper against us will apparently be a 17 year old called Makaridze, who I don't think has ever been capped. My spider-sense tells me we might stick a lot of crosses in the six yard box.

So the only Georgia player known to even the most well-informed Scottish fans who will be out on the park is Khizanishvili - lets hope he plays like he did under McLeish at Rangers, and we'll be all right.

I'm delighted to see that Wednesday's TV schedules allow me to watch the most exciting match-up of the evening - Russia v England - before the Scotland game. With England in form, it's hard to see Steve McClaren's side not picking up the point that all but puts them through, but Russia will be at home and should prove a pretty stern test. I'm sure the effect of the plastic pitch on the match will be purely psychological, but if it upsets the mindsets of a few English players, then it could be pretty interesting stuff.

As for the other Home Nations, surely even Wales in their current state can't mess up in San Marino, can they? Out of curiosity, has John Toshack actually ever achieved anything as a manager, apart from a Permatan and morbid obesity from lying in the Sociedad sun? He's had two, yes, two spells as Real Madrid manager, but how? Northern Ireland's defeats in Latvia and Iceland blew the best chance of qualifying for a tournament that they'll get in the whole 21st century, so now they need to beat Sweden, in Sweden, to keep even the slimmest hopes alive. The words "when hell freezes over" come to mind, as after this they finish with Denmark (H) and Spain (A).

It's the last chance saloon for Ireland, who are probably screwed anyway even if they beat Cyprus in Dublin - the Czechs need only one more point from their remaining games.

To be honest, I don't really give a monkeys about these other games though. The only two sides I want to see do well are us and Lithuania. Nothing else matters. Period.

L.

No pain, no gain

So after the euphoria on Saturday, Alex McLeish now discovers he has rather more empty seats on the plane to Tblisi than first thought. As of writing, Scotland will miss the following players who would almost certainly have been in the matchday 18:
1) Allan McGregor - sub keeper missed the Ukraine game as well due to a shoulder strain
2) Alan Hutton - magnificent on Saturday at right back, but has a calf injury
3) Gary Caldwell - knee injury ruled the Celtic centre-back out of this round of internationals
4) Paul Hartley - hamstring pull deprives us of arguably our best holding midfielder
5) Lee McCulloch - suspended after booking on Saturday; did his ankle during the second half anyway
6) Scott Brown - hamstring pull on Saturday
7) Garry O'Connor - stupid injury-time booking brings up a suspension

Great. It's not as if an away game in Georgia was going to be easy even with a first choice team. Certainly at least three changes will be needed to the side that beat Ukraine, in the absence of McCulloch, Brown and Hutton. Alexander is the obvious replacement right-back - Mr. Reliable seems to excel in our away games. Midfield is just a teensy bit more problematic. Thank goodness Fletcher is back - sounds like he'll play even if he only has one leg, which is a relief considering Stephen Pearson's tepid performance at Hampden. Sheer lack of options should mean another opportunity for him - perhaps on the left of midfield this time, as our only other options are the lightweight Shaun Maloney and the rather out of his depth Barry Robson.

Actually, that's not entirely true. Christian Dailly's 20 minute shift harassing Andriy Voronin might have done enough to earn him a place at the base of midfield. Could this herald a return to 4-5-1 away from home, with Fadders on the left flank? Maybe. In that case, Pearson could make way for Fletcher in centre mid, and a more attacking minded player on the right (heaven forbid, that probably means Gary Teale). Poor Kenny Miller, who is probably doomed to run like hell for 90 minutes feeding on scraps yet again. So my prediction for the Scotland team: Gordon, Alexander, Weir, McManus, Naysmith, Teale, Fletcher, Dailly, Ferguson, McFadden, Miller.

McLeish is overdue a selection blunder, I think. Please, please, please, let it not be Wednesday night.

L.

Still dreaming...

When I saw the fixtures for this group, I'd have grasped with both hands a situation where we could qualify by beating Italy at home in our final match.

After we won in the Faroe Islands in June, I was sure that 25 points would be enough for us to qualify.

After we beat Lithuania at home. It looked like 2 wins and a draw from our last 4 matches would be enough.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. How times change.

First up, fantastic result. Decent performance too, though we rode our luck at times. Two goals in the first 10 minutes tend to help. I can neither confirm nor deny allegations that I thought Lee McCulloch was only in the team to win headers at set pieces. What an absolutely stunning strike. And when we were under a bit of pressure at 2-1, who pops up for his third goal in three internationals? Fadders is rapidly assuming talismanic status, and at exactly the time we need him to, he is playing the football of his life. He's not the only one, either. Alan Hutton was our best player yesterday - solid defensively, loping forward at every opportunity, and setting up the third goal with a glorious floated pass. Barry Ferguson has never looked this good in a Scotland shirt, while Scott Brown showed his full repertoire of skills with none of the petulance he used to display so often. McCulloch's absence for Wednesday is a blow, as he's in fine form as well.

That's Ukraine out of it then, so it's two from three, as France and Italy picked up expected victories. The situation then - beat Georgia and we only need a draw with Italy; draw or lose in Tblisi and a win over the world champions is "all" we need. That's assuming that France don't slip up either against Lithuania on Wednesday or away to Ukraine in their final game. Only one thing is certain - finger nails are going to be at a premium.

L.

The permutations are endless

Well, not quite. But almost endless. It would take a very brave man (perhaps a combination of Rocky and Rambo, with a little bit of the Terminator's ice-coolness? and perhaps Jeff Stelling from Sky Sports' know-how might help, what with it being a football situation and not an 80s B-movie) to predict the outcome of Scotland's group.

What you can say with a lot of confidence is that France should get 6 points from Faroe Islands (A) and Lithuania (H), while Italy should beat Georgia at home as well. Thus by Thursday morning, the French should have 25 points, with Ukraine (A) to follow. Italy will have 23, and it would be reasonable to assume that they will do for the Faroes in the last game, meaning they should score at least 26 points plus whatever they get at Hampden. We currently have 21, so we need six out of six this week to make sure we only need a draw against the Azzurri to guarantee our qualification, not withstanding the Ukraine-France result. Four out of six would mean we would still qualify regardless of the Italy result if France lost in Kyiv (note my pedantic spelling), while three out of six would mean...

Oh, I give up, it's all about as clear as the air in Beijing at rush hour time. I'm reasonably certain that at least part of what I wrote above is complete rubbish. Let's just score as many points as we possibly can against Ukraine, Georgia and then Italy next month, and we'll be sorted. Easy.

Elsewhere, its all over bar the shouting for Wales, who have a glimmer of hope only if they beat Cyprus and San Marino away and the Czech Republic don't win in Germany. Not entirely unfeasible, I suppose, but then Wales would need to probably beat both Ireland (H) and Germany (A) to finish second. Probably not all that likely.

Talking of Ireland, it's much more clear cut for them - lose at home to Germany and they're out. Even if they pull off a result, though, they still lie behind the Czechs who will have a game in hand.

Northern Ireland were always going to struggle to repeat their earlier feats in qualifying, but they've committed their own hara-kiri by losing in Latvia and Iceland. Anything they can get from Sweden away is a bonus, with the main hope being that Spain don't win in Denmark.

And finally, England, who got their mojo back so impressively last time out. Estonia at home should be a gimme, and a draw in Moscow on the plastic pitch - don't knock it, it's the same one as at Montrose, I'm told - would put them in the driving seat for second behind Croatia.

With only a handful of games left, the state of play should be much more obvious than this. But no-one apart from the hosts has yet guaranteed qualification, while mathematically 32 teams can still fill 14 places. I think that number might have dropped quite dramatically by next Wednesday night...

L.

Ukraine at home - how will big Eck line us up?

The most important match in the recent history of Scottish football since, well, the last one, approaches with breakneck speed, almost as quickly as the Ibrox faithful turn against their team when things aren't going their way. There isn't any real precedent for how we'll line up - under McLeish, our home qualifiers have been against relative "minnows" (they must be minnows because we actually managed to score more than one goal against them). On our own hallowed Hampden turf, I suspect we would be unlikely to go with the 4-1-4-1 which we used in Paris. Which is probably just as well in the absence of Paul Hartley, who became the latest player to come under the apparent curse of playing right back for Celtic - the position should come with some sort of health warning.

After his impact in the previous two matches (understatement of the century) it would take a brave man to not play Fadders. But as a lone striker again? Probably not. But as Saturday once more demonstrated, Kris Boyd is less effective as a lone striker than coitus interruptus is as a contraceptive. But it would be rather risky to start with two out and out forwards against a team of Ukraine's calibre, especially if you wanted to fit McFadden in. Please, for the love of goodness, let's not play Garry O'Connor, who has all the physical attributes required for a useful target man but unfortunately has about as many brain cells as a Tesco Value beefburger (admittedly, that might be quite a few brain cells). Against France, I lost my voice through screaming at him as he decided, time after time, that running at three French defenders while on his own would be a fantastic way for Scotland to keep the ball and wind down the clock, rahter than, here's a thought, passing to a teammate, or, here's a crazy, way-out-there idea, Garry, heading to the corner flag! No, come to think of it, I definitely see the logic of taking on Thuram and Escude, on your own, with no support within 20 yards of you.

So the logical solution may well be to turn to the man who always seems to punch above his weight when in a Scotland shirt, Kenny Miller, with the bonus that he actually seems to be on form for Derby. Miller up front, with McFadden playing in the hole, seems a combination that will work hard, and that might also produce a goal.

Midfield? Assuming we play four across the middle, you would think that, fitness permitting, Ferguson, Brown and McCulloch probably pick themselves. As readers of my post prior to the France game will know, I'm not a fully-paid member of the Gary Teale fan club. So with Hartley and Darren Fletcher on the treatment table, perhaps Stephen Pearson, his teammate? We could easily accomodate him on the left with McCulloch on the right. The downside is that we would then lack a natural winger, but if Miller and Fads are up top then we're hardly going to be looking to get crosses into the box, are we? I'm disappointed that Sunderland's Ross Wallace isn't in the squad yet, he was great in their game against Arsenal on Saturday and is a rather superior left-sided midfielder than Barry "ginger whinger" Robson.

And finally, at the back. Gordon and McManus obviously play. As we're playing a fairly decent team it can probably be taken for granted that Hutton will have a blinder - he suddenly becomes half the player he is when it's Motherwell away, but as long as it's the Champions' League he's an international class defender. Walter Smith's ignorance of the fact that Andy Webster is probably Scotland's best centre-back means that David Weir will get the nod on sheer match fitness (and the fact that the best alternative is Gary Crapwell - sorry - Caldwell - Freudian slip there). I still have reservations about McEveley as left back against top sides, and Alexander rolled back the years (that's a lot of years to roll back) against Frank Ribery and so definitely deserves to retain his place, even he does play for Burnley. Gary Naysmith is the alternative, I suppose.

So there you are - probably Hartley and Fletcher out from the Paris Legends XI, and I reckon Pearson and Miller in. It's a Scotland game though, so if at least 4 players don't pull up lame by Friday, look out of your windows for some riders of the apocalypse.

L.

The dizzy heights of tenth

A welcome away point at Kilmarnock , and Caley continue to slowly haul their way back up the SPL table. While some elements of our support might have higher expectations, I'm still a firm believer that any away point in this league is not to be sneezed at - apart from the fact that I have a very bad cold and have been sneezing quite a lot.

Our result also means I can feel a touch of sympathy for Gretna, after they blew possibly the greatest result in their history in the last 5 minutes against Celtic. You have to feel for the poor bloke who played Scott McDonald onside for the winner - TV replays show he had already collapsed on the ground with his head in the hands before McDonald's strike actually hit the net. I won't lie, though. I was much relieved that the Hoops got out of jail. If Gretna actually have a snowball's chance in hell of staying up in January, Brooks Mileson might actually fund a decent player or two. And I can't be assed with watching Caley playing dross like Clyde, Queen of the South and Dunfermline Athletic every week anymore.

For a short period this afternoon, though, it looked like Hibs might end up being top of the table, as they kept up their recent record of being Rangers' bogey team. Can John Collins' side keep their fantastic run going and maybe split the Old Firm, just like Hearts did two seasons ago?

Of course not, don't be ridiculous.

International weekend coming next, does anyone else think our marvellous Paris bubble is going to be dramatically and cruelly burst by Ukraine and/or Georgia? I note that the bookies still have us at less than 50-50 to qualify, by the way, considering half the Tartan Army seem to think beating the World Cup Finalists home and away constitutes an automatic ticket. (It probably should, though)

Oh well, at least I have Montrose v Elgin City on Friday night to look forward to. Goodie.

L.

...three Euro shocks, two Champs League wins and a twit for a Milan goalie

What a really unfortunate time to be on night shift. I've effectively missed the greatest week for Scottish football in Europe since...well...a few weeks ago in Paris, I guess. But what a week!

My confident quips on the day of the Champions' League draw that Rangers were already out have been shoved right up where the sun doesn't shine. It could be pointed out that Lyon hit the woodwork three times, mind. But what odds would you have got on maximum points from the first two games? Before Castle Greyskull's inmates get too excited though, they might want to look back to about 2000, when Dick Advocaat's Gers beat Sturm Graz and Monaco in their opening two games and still managed to miss out on the knockout stages. With a double header against Barcelona and the "Messi-ah" (journalists started it, not me) to come, there's a long, long way to go.

They're probably in a better position to qualify than Celtic, however, despite the Hoops' win over AC Milan. Enough has been said already about that prat on the pitch (make up your own mind whether I mean the idiot fan or Milan's goalkeeper Dida), but Celtic's big problem is that Shakhtar are flying high and must be a decent bet to get through. At least as good a bet as Rangers, anyway.

And hooray for Aberdeen! A Darren Mackie goal is a rare enough occurrence to be a collector's item anyway, but this one was truly crucial. Note that among the teams who failed to get to the group stage were Sampdoria, Ajax, Blackburn Rovers, Real Zaragoza and Palermo, sides who are pretty darn good. Now I bet every red in the City would kill for a group with home games against the likes of Spurs, Bayern Munich, Fiorentina, Galatasaray, Atletico Madrid...not quite as exciting as what Celtic and Rangers have, but a damn site better than playing Gretna!

L.